if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
