My balls are so social today.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
