He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
