Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
someone owes me an orgasm
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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