it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
