You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
