toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
