Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
