i just wanna soil my oats bro
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
