she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
