i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
