Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
