what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just pee around me
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
