she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
babies were throwing up all over the place
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
