dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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