just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
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