you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
