names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
