If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
