If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
