Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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