It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
