Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
