im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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