My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
