Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
