a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
