Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
