Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
