Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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