I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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