he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
