It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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