I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
