I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
