That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
well I can't set my house on fire every night
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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