I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
