I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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