dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
