just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He felt like a one man threesome
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
