dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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