Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
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No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
