I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
NoShamevember. You game?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Randomize
