if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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