Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
