I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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