I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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