Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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