question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
