you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
