but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
